You’ve experienced those days when you feel on top of the world. You’ve also had days when things feel like they couldn’t get any worse. Sometimes these bad feelings stay with us longer than we’d like. We don’t want to be sad. We haven’t asked for it. But it’s there, and just doesn’t seem to want to go away.
As a Personal Development Coach one of the difficulties I face when trying to help a client out of a bad time in their life is best stated by Dale Carnegie who said “When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion”.
Today’s subject is a result of a comment I’ve read from one of my new favourite ‘personal development’ bloggers Becky Owen of the Happiness Group. She said “I’m in charge of my thoughts, and my responses. My emotions give me instant guidance…if I’m feeling negative emotion (e.g. anger, frustration) I know it’s time to stop and check what I was thinking…then it’s easier to look for a thought that feels better, and move myself into a more loving and giving place before I respond to anything”
What an important message Becky has shared with us. If we learn to manage our emotions; stay in tune with what we are feeling and strive to get in touch with our “feel good” emotions when negative emotions are present, we can begin to shift the cycle of our harmful feelings.
Let’s not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it. Vincent Van Gogh, 1889
Too often people feel bad, and don’t even know what they are feeling, or why they are feeling the way they do. They are simply not in touch with their emotions.
Emotions control your thinking, behaviour and also your actions. Worse still, if you keep holding on to negative emotions, letting them constantly wear you down, you are setting yourself up for physical illness.
Live life moment to moment, day to day, and become reasonably happy realizing that feelings are a natural, human process.
You need to develop the ability to listen, understand, and be empathetic to your verbal and nonverbal expressions of feelings and emotions. You can easily do this because your emotions are always letting you know how you are feeling.
Ultimately, all emotions will fit into two simple categories two categories: Negative Emotions and Positive Emotions.
Youur Negative Emotions include feeling: frustrated, ashamed, guilty, angry, disappointed, sad, anxious, depressed, impatient, defiant, indifferent, abandoned, betrayed, rejected, confused, discouraged, critical, embarrassed, inferior, lonely, skeptical, jealous, hurt, insecure, hostile, inadequate, overwhelmed, and insignificant.
Our Positive Emotions include feeling: serene, hopeful, trusting, patient, accepting, loving, secure, significant, calm, peaceful, connected, compassionate, joyful, loved, merciful, curious, forgiving, allowing, optimistic, courageous, understanding, adequate, blissful, supported, energized, inspired, appreciative, open, and centered.
If you want to stop the cycle of negativity controlling your life, your aim will be to consciously reach more and more for positive emotions throughout your day. A first step in doing so involves being consciously aware of your emotions throughout the day. It’s not until a particular emotions really takes our head over before we normally even notice. By the time it does it has taken control of us.
Tips For Transforming Your Emotions
1) When you distinguish yourself experiencing a negative emotion put a name to it. What specifically are you feeling?
2) Ask yourself, “What positive emotion would I like to change this feeling into? And then name that feeling as well.
3) Now, ask yourself, “What resources do I have or opportunities can I create in allowing myself to experience this positive emotion I wish to experience?
I invite you to check in with yourself every hour and ask, “What emotion am I experiencing in this moment?” Write it down. If the emotion you identify is a positive emotion, feel free to go on with your day and applaud yourself for having created that emotion. Acknowledge yourself for entertaining positivity and avoiding all the negativity that used to control you..
If your emotion is negative, take a moment and think about the positive emotion you would like to be feeling. Now simply bring your mind to coosing thoughts, actions and behaviours associatred with that positive emotion you want. Give it a try! You might just become a master at transforming negative emotions into positive ones and enjoy the good health and sense of well-being that comes from it.
You can become empowered by, or powerless to your emotions and it’s up to you what you do with them. Only you can choose, choose well!
If you don’t manage your emotions, then your emotions will manage you. Doc Childre and Deborah Rozman, Transforming Anxiety
Getting to know your feelings is important work. Do it well.
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Getting in touch with one’s emotions is key to understanding our actions, speech and behavior. At the same time I believe that emotions need to be understood and acknowledged. How are we to know what anger is if we have not experienced it in it’s true form….
Learning to recognise and stay with our feelings is a valuable experience. Also learning how best to deal with certain emotions. You can be angry and choose how to respond rather than let the anger control you.
Larry, I am truly honored to be mentioned here on your wonderful blog! Thank you so much!
As you say, feelings and emotions are natural and normal…they are our personal guidance system. I often use the process of reaching for a better-feeling thought — and it always works! Like anything, it gets easier with practice.
“Getting to know your feelings is important work. Do it well”…terrific stuff! You’ve offered some great tips, too!
Another great post, Larry!
Bec, you are an outstanding blogger and it was my pleasure to refer to you in this post. My guidance system pointed me towrds your blog, knowing there was a synergy waiting to be matched,
My tip of the day THERAPY …LOLOLOLOLOL love you… As always…XOXOXOXO
Abraham Maslow said “We may define therapy as a search for value.” I value you as a person and for the contribution you make to my life.
u saved me today Larry,I was just about let go,and blow my top on someone very dear..and that would have messed up things,will keep these points in mind…thank u
Alpana when ever i find myself in a situation where i can feel my emotions about to erupt, I slowly count to 5, then ask mysef what can i ask, to take control of this situation, and diffuse my own emotions.
So true, Larry. If we observe our emotions and learn from them, we can handle a lot.
Rachel by recognizing your emotions on a conscious level, you’re better able to control them and you are right, when we are in control of them we are in control of ourselves, so we can handle everything better
Great advice.
I also believe there’s value in looking at my negative emotions for clues about ways I can improve my life before merely dismissing the negative emotion and trying to replace it with a positive emotion.
Linda – I agree with you that there is benefit in not only focuings on the positive and counteracting the negative, but also to be alert to the dangers around you, and with this our negative emotions in particular are vital clues as to what we need to change.
Really good post Larry.
I’m blessed to say that I worked with a Spiritual Life Coach a couple years ago who taught me more to be in the present moment so now when I start to get frustrated or upset, I say something like “I Love You”. It just instantly brings a smile to my face and helps remind me that whatever it is I’m having a problem with at the moment, it’s not worth getting upset over.
Thanks for sharing Larry and I will always remain a work in progress.
Adrienne
Adrienne ‘I love you’ is the most Inspirational words you can say to yourself, and when you are conscious of the awesome power within you at that moment, you can achieve anything. All masterpieces are works in progress.